News has emerged today that Barbie and Ken have re-united after a brief separation in 2004. Stephanie Cota, Senior Vice President Global Marketing of Girl Brands said in a press-release "Barbie and Ken have an epic love story that has stood the test of time. As the ultimate boyfriend for every occasion, Ken knew just what to do to win Barbie back – the iconic couple were truly made for each other and this is just the beginning of their next chapter together.”
NNNnnnnaawwwww .... isn't that just cute ?
NO IT FUCKING ISN'T !!! ..... It's a giant load of horse-shit !!!
On the eve of Valentine's Day in 2003, after 43 long years of dedication and diligence, Barbie, suffering a mid-life crisis (inspired by pop culture, Hollywood and Sex & The City) "left" Ken for another younger man - That's right ... a toy-boy ! Remember him ? His name was Blaine. That's him in the picture above !!!
During 2004, Mattel said more than 2 million people worldwide logged on to Barbie.com to help the world's most famous plastic girl choose a new beau after Ken, her previous long-term boyfriend, was unceremoniously ditched. She kept the cars, the jewels, the holiday house, the wardrobe while Ken disappeared with the clothes on his back for all we know. Scurrilous rumours started questioning Ken's sexuality and androgenous look.
At the time press-releases trying to justify the decision, exposed the lengths this selfish bitch went to to better serve her own interests. Ken was quoted as saying "Barbie has a new look ... and I wish her well.", whereas Barbie was silent and had her publicists asking for privacy and citing that the demands of stardom and fame have "taken their toll". - In other corners, the move was dismissed as a marketing stunt, designed to capture revenue in the face of plummeting sales (and relevance).
So what has mysteriously turned her thoughts around on Ken ? Mattel reps would have you believe it's a modern tale of love conquering all, with social media platforms Facebook and Twitter providing the impetus for Ken to "woo her back" - Pardon Moi ? Woo her back ??? MORE HORSESHIT !!!
Ken turns 50 this year - On the back of his cameo in Toy Story 3 he's back in demand baby ! Mattel will milk it for all it's publicity making worth. Rumours abound he will star in his own reality TV show (seriously .... the quotes, the show ... I'm not making this up). All of a sudden, we see Barbie back on the scene - Do the maths people !
You'll no doubt be hearing all about the happy re-union as she capitalises on Ken's resurgence into maintstream media ... maybe they'll renew their vows in Vegas ? I'm not stoopid though. Someone needs to make sure Ken isn't and gets him acquainted with the idea of a Pre-Nup !
Personally, I hope once this sorry saga plays out and Barbie evil clutches are commanding Ken's bank account, maybe there will be some poetic justice in the end - Perhaps he'll give her a taste of her own medicine and shack up with his (much younger) stylist.
Barbie is a vacuous ho - Nothing more, nothing less. And that's the problem I have with her. She represents everything WRONG about a woman's values. She was the original posterchild for breast implants, cosmetic surgery, unrealistic body expectations, over-spending, and more sinister .... has groomed generations of girls with warped views of themselves.
She is marketed as the every-girls icon, yet swings from trend to trend in a never-ending grab for cash and fame. From nurse, to pop singing sensation, it teaches girls to never settle for a life of contentment, and that you can drop priorities at the drop of a cashmere scarf.
As a father to a 4 year old girl, I have placed a permanent embargo on my house containing Barbie and all Barbie products. I'm OK if she plays with them, but they will NOT be living in my house. Unless of course I need to hastily manufacture a voodoo doll, or mini effigy. Then I could think of no more suitable volunteer of Barbie the Stuntwoman.
I bet there'd be a press-release for that too !